Ginger's Blog

Feelings, Schmeelings

Feelings, Schmeelings

“How does that make you feel?” is a dead giveaway. Therapist-speak. The joke at any party. Yes, it is true. It is not without purpose that we therapists focus on feelings. Not only are they the juice of our internal life but they...

Walls vs. Boundaries

Walls vs. Boundaries

Do you know the difference between a wall and a boundary? Walls are solid and rigid. They keep others out and keep you trapped inside. Boundaries are flexible, changeable, and removable. They can be opened or closed at any given time and with any particular...

Commitment to What?

When it comes to commitment, there are two types: One can commit to the frame. I will not abandon my spouse, my child, my job, etc. until I die. The institution is established and will not falter. I said I would, and I will. Period. End of story.  Or, one can...

Talk About It

Talk About It

Inevitably, when working with couples, I end up assisting parents with their children. Besides, that’s what we relational life therapists espouse – evolving the emotional and relational health in the generational line. On two recent occasions, I reminded disheartened...

Looking for Green Signs

Looking for Green Signs

Sometimes we are better at identifying red flags than knowing what to look for in a partner. What are the relationship green flags? Willingness to admit one’s mistakes Growth-oriented Practices self-care and able to self-soothe Long-standing friendships Able to be...

Request Away

Request Away

“Honey, can you fly to the moon and back and be home for dinner?” Requests are not negotiable. Your partner has the right to ask for whatever he or she might want. Even if it is outlandish. It is not a good relational move for me to try and talk them down, roll my...

Good Conflict

Good Conflict

“We never fight,” she says with a prideful gloat in her voice. She glances at her husband as if I should be giving them a gold star in marital accomplishment. Conversely, my insides scream, “Oh boy. I’ve got my work cut-out for me here.” Avoiding conflict is not the...

Extra Cookies

Extra Cookies

The heart and soul of relational work is generosity. Having “extra” – extra time, energy, compassion, resources, emotional bandwidth - and choosing to share it with your partner, even and often when you don’t feel like it. Generosity is like cookies. When I have two...

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