Emotional Regulation

Emotional Regulation

One of the three necessities for a healthy relationship is emotional regulation. When one is being triggered into an escalated state of fight, flight, freeze or fix, one is not capable of being relational. In fact, when one’s amygdala has taken over due to a...
Color Outside the Lines

Color Outside the Lines

As a psychotherapist, I resuscitate souls. I tear down the layers of self that some well-meaning adult worked so hard to construct: Be quiet. (Use your words. Talk loudly and often.) Color in the lines. (Take a risk. Be yourself.) Don’t cry. (Let it flow. The more...
Learning to Sit

Learning to Sit

I know you know what I mean. You’ve had the experience where you open up some heaviness in your heart. You tell a story – your story – of your humanness. A heartache. A loss. A tragedy. A surreal experience that you’ve endured. And you watch the face contort of the...
Feelings, Schmeelings

Feelings, Schmeelings

“How does that make you feel?” is a dead giveaway. Therapist-speak. The joke at any party. Yes, it is true. It is not without purpose that we therapists focus on feelings. Not only are they the juice of our internal life but they are the language of connection in an...
Walls vs. Boundaries

Walls vs. Boundaries

Do you know the difference between a wall and a boundary? Walls are solid and rigid. They keep others out and keep you trapped inside. Boundaries are flexible, changeable, and removable. They can be opened or closed at any given time and with any particular...
Talk About It

Talk About It

Inevitably, when working with couples, I end up assisting parents with their children. Besides, that’s what we relational life therapists espouse – evolving the emotional and relational health in the generational line. On two recent occasions, I reminded disheartened...