The heart and soul of relational work is generosity. Having “extra” – extra time, energy, compassion, resources, emotional bandwidth – and choosing to share it with your partner, even and often when you don’t feel like it.

Generosity is like cookies. When I have two cookies, i.e., an extra one, I can keep one for myself and still give one to you.

Why not give your partner both cookies? I know you want to ask me that. I can. But then you have two and I have none. And, as much as I’d like to be in the saint category, I am merely human. Such selfless giving often leads to resentment which leads to contempt which leads to disconnection and divorce. Better to stay clear of those destroying monsters. So, keep a cookie for yourself and give cleanly in love and generosity.

Why not have no cookies and expect all my cookies to come from my partner? I know you want to ask me that too. Because, that’s a set-up for disaster. It’s not your partner’s job to fill your empty heart. I hate to break it to you but that’s your job. Get in the damn kitchen and make your own cookies. And if your partner shows up with another to give you, all the better. You chose wisely to be with someone who is generous. Your partner is your back-up. Your support team. Your extra on a bad day or on a really good one. But, they are not your chief baker. That be you.

So, be emotionally in charge of your own life. Make those oatmeal or chocolate chip cookies in abundance. Share the extra with those you are committed to. Receive when some come your way.

Such a recipe makes for not only happy tummies but for sustainable and satisfying relationships.

For the rise of your life …

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