You know those candies that surprise you? You bite in with full expectation of what you are going to get, and then, shock. What you saw on the outside is not what you got on the inside. That hard shell was hiding a soft, gooey interior. This candy is complex!
You know where I am going with this. People can be that way too. They can present with a rough, gruff, prickly exterior. Don’t fuck with me is the message. Stay away. I can take care of me. I don’t need you. In fact, if you come close, I could be dangerous.
But, get to know them and they might astound you. There could be more than meets the eye. Inside, they are soft and scared. Maybe even fragile and needy. But, shhh. They don’t want you to know this. Perhaps, they don’t want to know this. That’s why they hide under their hard candy shell.
The growth edge for these chocolate-candy-types is to reverse the consistency. If they harden their interior, solidify their core, get grounded and secure in who they are on the inside, then they can afford to soften the exterior. They won’t have the need for such protective and off-putting armor. They can be more kind and welcoming because they trust their ability to keep themselves bounded and safe. They know themselves enough and have mastered their voice to set limits, be clear and make their “no” a “no.” Their internal strength allows an external cordiality.
You may never eat a piece of candy the same. Sorry about that. And, like a box of chocolates, the metaphor is too good not to share.
For the rise of your life …