When it comes to commitment, there are two types:

One can commit to the frame. I will not abandon my spouse, my child, my job, etc. until I die. The institution is established and will not falter. I said I would, and I will. Period. End of story. 

Or, one can commit to the work required. I will do the work I need to do to have a healthy marriage, be a good parent, perform well on the job, etc. 

Honestly, I prefer the latter to the former. 

Many of us are too familiar with empty structures, whereby roles are fulfilled in a robotic, stable manner. We go through the necessary motions. The frame will likely stand but sadly, no one may be home. It looks good on the outside. But inside? Best to not look closely. 

Besides, when we roll up our sleeves and do the work required, relationships have the best chance of not just surviving but thriving. And ironically, to take matters further, it is when we often challenge the frame, the relationship can grow to its greatest heights. In other words, in risking intimacy, we actually gain it. When we speak our truth in a daring, authentic way it can threaten the safe status quo while creating space to deepen our attachment. 

How ‘bout them apples?

A couple in my office last weekend stated they were committed. When I questioned which kind, they looked blankly at me. They had no idea there was another kind. Now they do. And now, you do too. Get to work. The rest will take care of itself.