Learning to Talk

Learning to Talk

Do you spew or talk? There is a difference. A big difference. And, it will make a telltale difference in your relationship. A spewer does not internally metabolize feelings before expression. He or she vomits them into public air. Feelings spill out in reactions...
Looking for Green Signs

Looking for Green Signs

Sometimes we are better at identifying red flags than knowing what to look for in a partner. What are the relationship green flags? Willingness to admit one’s mistakes Growth-oriented Practices self-care and able to self-soothe Long-standing friendships Able to be...
Request Away

Request Away

“Honey, can you fly to the moon and back and be home for dinner?” Requests are not negotiable. Your partner has the right to ask for whatever he or she might want. Even if it is outlandish. It is not a good relational move for me to try and talk them down, roll my...
Good Conflict

Good Conflict

“We never fight,” she says with a prideful gloat in her voice. She glances at her husband as if I should be giving them a gold star in marital accomplishment. Conversely, my insides scream, “Oh boy. I’ve got my work cut-out for me here.” Avoiding conflict is not the...
Extra Cookies

Extra Cookies

The heart and soul of relational work is generosity. Having “extra” – extra time, energy, compassion, resources, emotional bandwidth – and choosing to share it with your partner, even and often when you don’t feel like it. Generosity is like cookies. When I have...
Real Food

Real Food

“It’s great to see you. How have you been?” “Fine. And you.” “Great!” Silence. That awkward thud of what to say now. How many of those conversations are you about to have this week? With Aunt Susan, Uncle John, Cousin Bob and even your mother or sister. Or, here’s...