Ok. I admit it. I either am – or on the brink of being – an Ebay addict. Whenever I can find something for cheap, my juices start flowing. I somehow have “beat” the odds and found a deal – or so I think.
And then there was the case of the dresser. They warned me that one of the drawers needed fixin’. But they praised its charm – “chic and shabby” was the description. Sounded perfect – just my style. And only $20.00! How can I go wrong? But then they said you had to pick it up. Hmm … last I looked, Memphis, Tennessee was quite a drive from Washington, D.C. Could they ship it? Of course! But that would be another $150.00. My cognitive wheels started to quickly justify – that only makes it a total of $170.00, right? That’s still a good deal – even if one out of three drawers is dysfunctional. Greyhound was the best way to go, said the Seller. Ok. Never heard of that, but why not? Oh, but then I have to rent a truck to go to the bus station to fetch it. Chink, chink. Another $50. And then the box is so heavy … I have to have the bus driver help me load it onto the truck. And he needed a tip for the years I took off his backside – chink, chink. So, $250 later … yes, I could have bought a brand-new dresser with all of the drawers intact and in working order. And had it delivered at that! But it certainly would not have been so “shabby and chic” – of course not. Or so I told myself.
So, we finally got the $20-turned-$250 dresser into the house. But that was only the beginning of the story. My friend took one look at the unwrapped monstrosity and asked me what color I planned to paint it. Paint it! – I screamed. It is shabby and chic, one step short of falling apart – and I absolutely love it. She ignored me and strained as she took take a longer look. She then admitted that with a little of this and a little of that, it could be fixed up real nice. Hold on – I said. You can’t criticize my dresser. I just got this great deal from Memphis, Tennessee. It traveled by bus all the way to the haunts of my closet. It’s old, Deco, half in pieces and I already adore it – just the way it is.
So, after she left, the first thing I did was to get out my hammer and start to nail the broken drawer together. She was right – sort of. It’s not perfect the way it is. It’s an old piece of furniture that does need some rehabilitation. (I guess there was a reason that it was only $20!) It is a work in process – and I do absolutely love it just the way it is.
Perhaps, it reminds me of me. I too am showing some wear-and-tear. The signs and stresses of my humanness – the wrinkles, the years, the mistakes, the regrets, the character imperfections, those cracks in my inner workings that just can’t ever get it right. So, I’ve got some work to do. I have yet to become what I would like to become. But yet, I want to be loved for the way I am. I am chic and shabby and I want to be accepted for who I am in this moment in my life – even if I too traveled the long road from Tennessee by way of many bumpy detours. And just maybe that is what we all long for – to be loved enough for who we are today, while being loved enough not to stay that way.
Every time I look at that dresser, I smile. My friend even says that she has grown to like it just the way it is. Granted, I have to be a little careful opening those fragile drawers, but our relationship is growing solid. We are in this for the long haul and I wouldn’t dare paint it now.